Moody. Possibly nutritional. Been a while since I've had hardcore spinach. Must remedy.
Add to the poly lexicon: double-negative. Either, (A) when you have troubled interactions with two SOs on the same day, and consequently feel doubly shitty; or (B) when you get to see your less flattering traits reflected back via two mirrors, and feel just that much uglier because your wrongness has now been confirmed beyond doubt. [...I've heard folks describe the phenomena before; I know it's not just me.]
Well, buck up little camper.
Don't even bother salvaging the present. Sacrifice today, and just start planning for tomorrow. Better yet -- and I'm thinking I need to try to get into this habit -- screw the whole week, and start figuring out what next week should look like. If you know what you're doing then, well, then you're a week ahead in the game. Seems to me that your sense of security (yes, synonymous with "control") is proportional to how far into the future you've thought ahead. That's your event horizon, past which even light cannot escape.
...A particular ugliness on my mind. I flog horses. I want to understand every little bit. Trouble is, that means that I want to peer into every nook and cranny of the people I love (and into my own, too). We're all full of fears, shame, and worms; it's not nice to shine bright lights under those stones. Let alone keep poking the bruise, fascinated because you see that there's something under the surface. I'm contemplating the possibility that there are things where you should just leave well enough alone, let distraction or distance renew the sense that all is OK. Still, how can I be sure that that's the right route unless I know exactly and precisely what's going on under the surface? [Yes, this is one of those things where what I like about myself and what feels wrong with me are one and the same.]
Self-reflexive: maybe I'm even doing it to myself right now...
*Sound of thunderclap, as staring into his own abyss, Sven collapses into a singularity, pulling the house, Powell Butte, and most of SE Portland in with him.*
Add to the poly lexicon: double-negative. Either, (A) when you have troubled interactions with two SOs on the same day, and consequently feel doubly shitty; or (B) when you get to see your less flattering traits reflected back via two mirrors, and feel just that much uglier because your wrongness has now been confirmed beyond doubt. [...I've heard folks describe the phenomena before; I know it's not just me.]
Well, buck up little camper.
Don't even bother salvaging the present. Sacrifice today, and just start planning for tomorrow. Better yet -- and I'm thinking I need to try to get into this habit -- screw the whole week, and start figuring out what next week should look like. If you know what you're doing then, well, then you're a week ahead in the game. Seems to me that your sense of security (yes, synonymous with "control") is proportional to how far into the future you've thought ahead. That's your event horizon, past which even light cannot escape.
...A particular ugliness on my mind. I flog horses. I want to understand every little bit. Trouble is, that means that I want to peer into every nook and cranny of the people I love (and into my own, too). We're all full of fears, shame, and worms; it's not nice to shine bright lights under those stones. Let alone keep poking the bruise, fascinated because you see that there's something under the surface. I'm contemplating the possibility that there are things where you should just leave well enough alone, let distraction or distance renew the sense that all is OK. Still, how can I be sure that that's the right route unless I know exactly and precisely what's going on under the surface? [Yes, this is one of those things where what I like about myself and what feels wrong with me are one and the same.]
Self-reflexive: maybe I'm even doing it to myself right now...
*Sound of thunderclap, as staring into his own abyss, Sven collapses into a singularity, pulling the house, Powell Butte, and most of SE Portland in with him.*
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