Notes on poly:
Where do new luvvas come from?
A. Outside the circle, never to meet
B. Outside the circle, possibility of integration
C. Inside the circle
Beware option C. Duh. Raison d'etre of circles is largely stability. Recombination shakes things up, destabilizes, ergo significant risk. No practical case-in-point at present -- just theorizing that emerged from a conversation.
On Jealousy.
When you think of jealousy, ya think most often of sex. However, jealousy about sex and jealousy about love are probably really two distinct categories -- and jealousy about love is probably not infrequently the real motivation behind the sense of threat when a luvva has sex with someone else.
Furthermore... There's a distinction to be made within the category of love jealousy: old loves vs. new love interests.
If your lover is going to have sex with someone who's been in their lives for many years, then there's little threat. That other person is interwoven into who your lover is -- stability is unthreatened.
It is the possibility of new lovers that is threatening. Because the new person is an unknown quantity, you don't know if they have the potential to displace you from the niche in your lover's heart.
...Ironically, innocently introducing the new sweetie to your circle can create stronger feelings of jealousy than if you know they're going off to have actual sex. If the person they're off to have sex with is far away in another city, or if they're fixtures in the sweetie's life, there's little threat to your position. Inside of the circle, the stability of the circle is at risk, and if they take a liking to your friends, it's hard to know how deep the attraction could become -- after all, your circle is made up of people whom you like and respect yourself, people who in some way have superpowers that you feel you lack, and therefore admire.
I can make anything into theory. ;-)
Where do new luvvas come from?
A. Outside the circle, never to meet
B. Outside the circle, possibility of integration
C. Inside the circle
Beware option C. Duh. Raison d'etre of circles is largely stability. Recombination shakes things up, destabilizes, ergo significant risk. No practical case-in-point at present -- just theorizing that emerged from a conversation.
On Jealousy.
When you think of jealousy, ya think most often of sex. However, jealousy about sex and jealousy about love are probably really two distinct categories -- and jealousy about love is probably not infrequently the real motivation behind the sense of threat when a luvva has sex with someone else.
Furthermore... There's a distinction to be made within the category of love jealousy: old loves vs. new love interests.
If your lover is going to have sex with someone who's been in their lives for many years, then there's little threat. That other person is interwoven into who your lover is -- stability is unthreatened.
It is the possibility of new lovers that is threatening. Because the new person is an unknown quantity, you don't know if they have the potential to displace you from the niche in your lover's heart.
...Ironically, innocently introducing the new sweetie to your circle can create stronger feelings of jealousy than if you know they're going off to have actual sex. If the person they're off to have sex with is far away in another city, or if they're fixtures in the sweetie's life, there's little threat to your position. Inside of the circle, the stability of the circle is at risk, and if they take a liking to your friends, it's hard to know how deep the attraction could become -- after all, your circle is made up of people whom you like and respect yourself, people who in some way have superpowers that you feel you lack, and therefore admire.
I can make anything into theory. ;-)
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