Still sick, dammit. But on the mend. The violent introduction -- that is, falling on my face -- distracted me for a few days from the primary illness. Meh.
Yesterday I was stir-crazy; left the house long enough to pick up some must-have DVDs. Most significantly: the Star Wars trilogy and Angel Season 4. Got home tired again and proceeded to catch up on some previously unwatched discs... "The Last Unicorn", and "Terminator 3".
"Last Unicorn": Bleak! Bleak! It had a star-studded cast: Mia Farrow, Jeff Bridges, Alan Arkin, Christopher Lee, among others -- and a soundtrack by "America"! Without actually looking into the matter, it makes me think that there was a book that people thought was good, that they wanted to support. I can see it being a pretty cool book -- it has some fairly beautiful / literary elements. But then, the ending really makes no sense. The unicorn wins out where all other unicorns have failed... why? because of an act of will? (And did I mention: bleak?)
"Terminator 3": OK folks, it's called an "homage" when you reference someone else's movie within your own -- but when you reference your own movie, that's called "crap"...
"Hey, this is a Terminator movie -- Arnie has to say 'I'll be back' at some point. And he has to wear sunglasses -- I love that bit! And crashy action sequences! ...And we should reuse that 'no fate but what we make' quote -- it's just not a Terminator movie without that!"
(That's my fantasy of what the writers were thinking. Sort of like in Ep I, how George must have been thinking...)
"Let's start the movie with 'I've got a bad feeling about this' -- classic! [Ed note: How ironically appropriate...] In fact, let's see how much of the movie I can construct out of recycled bits from the original trilogy! 'I'm not sure this floor is entirely stable' -- that was funny the first time; the audience will love that!" Et cetera, et cetera.
I'm beginning to formulate "Sven's Commandments of Screenwriting"...
1. Thou shalt not do "homage" to the earlier (successful) movies in one's own series.
2. Thou shalt not try to be funny at the expense of how characters would actually act.
Regarding this next one: Far too frequently, I'm seeing the characters in films do things that are supposed to be funny. But it violates how their characters would actually behave! Look, if your characters say funny things in character, that's fine. But when you mangle my suspension of disbelief, you're just not going to get me back with you again.
Which, unfortunately, suggests another commandment:
3. Thou shalt not interupt the movie's climax with comic banter.
"Sky Captain" and "I, Robot" -- I'm looking at you. It's the most important moment of the movie: if you're not paying attention to how to save the world, but instead to how to cleverly tell your sidekick that you ambivalently love her, well...
Do note, though, that I'm talking about the end of the movie. In Star Wars, Han and Leia could needle each other while running from storm troopers -- but the Death Star trench sequence had to be played straight. At the end of it all, it's no longer about you and your flame -- it's about getting the job done. Any digressions from that undermine your supposed heroism.
I welcome further commandment suggestions from my gentle readers. Got a "thou shalt not" of your own to contribute?
Yesterday I was stir-crazy; left the house long enough to pick up some must-have DVDs. Most significantly: the Star Wars trilogy and Angel Season 4. Got home tired again and proceeded to catch up on some previously unwatched discs... "The Last Unicorn", and "Terminator 3".
"Last Unicorn": Bleak! Bleak! It had a star-studded cast: Mia Farrow, Jeff Bridges, Alan Arkin, Christopher Lee, among others -- and a soundtrack by "America"! Without actually looking into the matter, it makes me think that there was a book that people thought was good, that they wanted to support. I can see it being a pretty cool book -- it has some fairly beautiful / literary elements. But then, the ending really makes no sense. The unicorn wins out where all other unicorns have failed... why? because of an act of will? (And did I mention: bleak?)
"Terminator 3": OK folks, it's called an "homage" when you reference someone else's movie within your own -- but when you reference your own movie, that's called "crap"...
"Hey, this is a Terminator movie -- Arnie has to say 'I'll be back' at some point. And he has to wear sunglasses -- I love that bit! And crashy action sequences! ...And we should reuse that 'no fate but what we make' quote -- it's just not a Terminator movie without that!"
(That's my fantasy of what the writers were thinking. Sort of like in Ep I, how George must have been thinking...)
"Let's start the movie with 'I've got a bad feeling about this' -- classic! [Ed note: How ironically appropriate...] In fact, let's see how much of the movie I can construct out of recycled bits from the original trilogy! 'I'm not sure this floor is entirely stable' -- that was funny the first time; the audience will love that!" Et cetera, et cetera.
I'm beginning to formulate "Sven's Commandments of Screenwriting"...
1. Thou shalt not do "homage" to the earlier (successful) movies in one's own series.
2. Thou shalt not try to be funny at the expense of how characters would actually act.
Regarding this next one: Far too frequently, I'm seeing the characters in films do things that are supposed to be funny. But it violates how their characters would actually behave! Look, if your characters say funny things in character, that's fine. But when you mangle my suspension of disbelief, you're just not going to get me back with you again.
Which, unfortunately, suggests another commandment:
3. Thou shalt not interupt the movie's climax with comic banter.
"Sky Captain" and "I, Robot" -- I'm looking at you. It's the most important moment of the movie: if you're not paying attention to how to save the world, but instead to how to cleverly tell your sidekick that you ambivalently love her, well...
Do note, though, that I'm talking about the end of the movie. In Star Wars, Han and Leia could needle each other while running from storm troopers -- but the Death Star trench sequence had to be played straight. At the end of it all, it's no longer about you and your flame -- it's about getting the job done. Any digressions from that undermine your supposed heroism.
I welcome further commandment suggestions from my gentle readers. Got a "thou shalt not" of your own to contribute?
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