G served fresh picked rasberries with fresh whipped cream yesterday! The rasberry bush off the studio porch is producing like crazy this year, and G is all about using up fresh foods when they become available. Oh my gawd it was good!
Got up late yesterday, did some more moving work after I got done with morning pages. Didn't get around to doing work on the Lovecraft movie, unfortunately. Today's slated for work work work on that.
Went to see "The Cockettes" with G & Leopoldo, a free showing at Cinema 21. Great documentary! [Complements the other documentary I saw a few months ago, "The Weather Underground", very well, as an insight into the SF-based counter-culture circa 1970.] It was really wonderful to see footage of the forebearers of the "sexual anarchy" variety of gender politics, which appeals to me so. Oh, and the freak drag was so beautiful!
Questions on my mind:
I've heard mph talk about where "male answer syndrome" resides within him. I think, for the most part, I don't have M.A.S. I'm all too willing to say "I don't know" -- to the extent that I tend to question whether or not I'm actually correct in my memory of what I think I know, when I think that I do know something.
Exceptions, of course, exist. Probably most around YL.
Still, it's interesting to see how my communication styles play out in group settings. I tend to ask questions, more than I volunteer info. But the questions I ask tend to have a different tenor than those that other question-askers like G or Sue put forward. How? Why? ...And I notice that when there's another question-asker in the room, I tend to defer to their line of inquiry.
Bah! Sometimes it feels like I just about beta myself out of existence.
Got up late yesterday, did some more moving work after I got done with morning pages. Didn't get around to doing work on the Lovecraft movie, unfortunately. Today's slated for work work work on that.
Went to see "The Cockettes" with G & Leopoldo, a free showing at Cinema 21. Great documentary! [Complements the other documentary I saw a few months ago, "The Weather Underground", very well, as an insight into the SF-based counter-culture circa 1970.] It was really wonderful to see footage of the forebearers of the "sexual anarchy" variety of gender politics, which appeals to me so. Oh, and the freak drag was so beautiful!
Questions on my mind:
- Where does my fear of abandonment come from?
- How much of this is a result of Hilary's suicide, and how much derives from other sources?
- If I start trying to augment my friend circle, what will I do with the new folks?
- What do I have to offer? [And am I too much in a "buying love" mindset: "I'll trade interesting conversation for your friendship"?]
- It seems like my interests are narrow, but deep; should I put effort into becoming a more rounded person? ...Via reading "contemporary issues" books?
- It seems like my favored activities are all solitary; is that in itself an adaptation to having been alone for periods of my life?
- What would my projects look like if I built group process into them from the start?
- What assumptions about "efficiency" would need to be reexamined?
I've heard mph talk about where "male answer syndrome" resides within him. I think, for the most part, I don't have M.A.S. I'm all too willing to say "I don't know" -- to the extent that I tend to question whether or not I'm actually correct in my memory of what I think I know, when I think that I do know something.
Exceptions, of course, exist. Probably most around YL.
Still, it's interesting to see how my communication styles play out in group settings. I tend to ask questions, more than I volunteer info. But the questions I ask tend to have a different tenor than those that other question-askers like G or Sue put forward. How? Why? ...And I notice that when there's another question-asker in the room, I tend to defer to their line of inquiry.
Bah! Sometimes it feels like I just about beta myself out of existence.
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